i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
