it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
