He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
