By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
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