you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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