Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
