I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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