Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
