dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
