chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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