Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you win again, gameday.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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