For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
