My underwear smells like fireworks.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
