Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
