I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
