Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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