i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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