he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
