Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
