my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
