He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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