so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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