I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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