My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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