i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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