The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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