I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize