I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
