I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
