i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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