I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
