So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
