She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
