Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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