Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
She needs sedatives and a leash
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize