About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
