He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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