I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
