he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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