I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I love you. Go after that dick
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
