So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
