how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
