I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I need to sanitize my soul.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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