so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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