girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
