so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
