It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
