I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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