Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
