Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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