last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
