I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
