Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
