watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
