it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
