even my farts smell like vagina
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
