I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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