I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize