Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
