Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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