Christians are straight up FREAKS
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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