Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Someone shattered a urinal.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize