i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
