we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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