I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Two words: nipple clamps
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