Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
