She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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