I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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