I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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