Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
