I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize