I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
