I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
just tell him i said nine months
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
