ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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