youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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