there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
