Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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