I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
