I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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