Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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