Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
