My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
