in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
