i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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