I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize