Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
