Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
