I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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