so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
