I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
