You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
