I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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