you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
