My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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